a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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