Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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