The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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