When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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