just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
