i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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