when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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