he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
