My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
