Plan B is the new Plan A
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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