Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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