today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
