I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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