***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
