i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
