I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
