I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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