I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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