i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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