you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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