I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
