Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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