I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
