bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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