i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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