Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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