I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
