I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
