I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
