This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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