I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
