Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
