if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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