Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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