I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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