I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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