life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
