A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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