i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
