forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i barfeds in our rink
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
