He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
