You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
