your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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