I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
