The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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