So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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