i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
