She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
