NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
