Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
