Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
